When Websites Become Toxic

As you may be able to tell from the title, this post is dedicated to websites. And not just any old websites, I’m not talking something like 9gag. The most that can happen on a site like that is you spending way too much time online and getting addicted to checking the content. And while that isn’t the healthiest thing in the world to do, it’s a lot better than what can happen on other websites. These other sites I’m referring to are forums and chat systems.

Don’t get me wrong. Not everyone’s experience3 will be like this. Some will go through their life not encountering the toxic side of things. It depends, I think, on your own personal feelings, and also the type of site you’re on. What I’m writing here is from my own personal experience, so it may be…somewhat lacking in the way of positive-ness, if that’s even a word. It doesn’t really look like one…

Okay, let’s talking about forums. For the last year or so, I’ve been on a certain type of site. I’d looked at the content a year before I made the account and I thought it was a great thing to be a part of. I’m not mentioning its name, or the subject it talks about, because I’m not writing this to blow the whistle or incriminate anyone. In fact, if anyone from said site are reading this – hi and don’t worry, I hold no bad feeling to anyone. And I’ll get to why at the end of this.

I’m writing this so that everyone is aware of that can possibly happen. Because, yeah, there is a good side to these sites…a sense of community, talking to likeminded people…but there is a danger and that…that I found out first hand.

So this site I was on. It started off well, really well in fact. I talked to people on the forums and after several weeks I got up the courage to join the chat systems. And that, my readers, is where the trouble began. Most people should know that certain…precautions need to be made when talking to random people all over the world on the internet. I went into the system with these in mind but other things…other things never crossed my mind.

Looking back, it was actually probably my fault that this all happened. I believed what people said and I thought real connections were being made. More importantly, I trust what was being said. I trusted them. And that was my first mistake, because honestly, how can you fully trust someone you talk to through a computer screen only?

In my opinion, which I learned the hard way, you really can’t. You can’t fully trust the word of people you’ve never actually met because…they can lie to you and not feeling bad about it. And I know many will disagree and say I’m overly negative but as I said, this is all my experience.

I won’t go into any details over what happened, but suffice it to say, I figured out that there was some…stuff going on. And once I figured that out, everything else opened up in my mind and I could suddenly see what I was once blind to: I suddenly found myself surrounded by people that lied, that bullied each other this.

I’m writing this so that everyone is aware of that can possibly happen. Because, yeah, there is a good side to these sites…a sense of community, talking to likeminded people…but there is a danger and that…that I found out first hand.

So this site I was on. It started off well, really well in fact. I talked to people on the forums and after several weeks I got up the courage to join the chat systems. And that, my readers, is where the trouble began. Most people should know that certain…precautions need to be made when talking to random people all over the world on the internet. I went into the system with these in mind but other things…other things never crossed my mind.

Looking back, it was actually probably my fault that this all happened. I believed what people said and I thought real connections were being made. More importantly, I trust what was being said. I trusted them. And that was my first mistake, because honestly, how can you fully trust someone you talk to through a computer screen only?

In my opinion, which I learned the hard way, you really can’t. You can’t fully trust the word of people you’ve never actually met because…they can lie to you and not feeling bad about it. And I know many will disagree and say I’m overly negative but as I said, this is all my experience.

I won’t go into any details over what happened, but suffice it to say, I figured out that there was some…stuff going on. And once I figured that out, everything else opened up in my mind and I could suddenly see what I was once blind to: I suddenly found myself surrounded by people that lied, that bullied each other people that seemed to find joy in making others feel uncomfortable…

And then I reached my breaking point. I obtained a…well, perhaps “stalker” isn’t the right word, but someone who actually made me fear for my safety, despite me knowing that this person had absolutely no clue where I lived…much to their dismay.

It took me a while to realise, but I discovered something: my mental health, my emotions, they were going downhill because off all this stuff going on, and sadly, a good friend of mine bore the brunt of those effects.

And that, my friends, is the definition of a toxic website.

Don’t get me wrong. I had some good experiences and I met some awesome people. But one awesome kind new friend doesn’t make up for possible stalker situations. That scared me and I wasn’t going to hang around and wait for it to get worse, awesome people or not – I come first.

I’ve now blocked my access to the site, thanks to an amazing Chrome extension called Stay Focused. I’ve had to use this because, despite all the bad stuff, I was rather addicted to going on that chat system.

So that’s my experience with a toxic website – but what about everyone else out there? The last thing I want is for more people to go through those few weeks of emotional turmoil because of some twit behind a computer screen. So how can we prevent such a thing from happening?

Here are a few tips:

·         Treat everyone with respect, whether they derive it or not

·         Be nice to everyone, whether they deserve it or not

·         Don’t hold grudges. Be scared, be worried, don’t trust them but don’t hate them. There could be something more going on than what you know and just because they treat you bad doesn’t mean you return the favour – be better than them

·         Keep your mind open

·         Take what they say with a grain of salt

·         Remember that some person halfway around the world doesn’t know the “real” you, just an online chat version

·         Don’t fight back; they want a reaction

·         Don’t let anyone make you feel less than a person

·         Remember you’re worth more than what people on the internet treat you, and your self-worth isn’t determined by them

·         Number One Rule – you come first. If you’re uncomfortable, if you’re scared, if you’re worried, speak up or take action. Your health and wellbeing should come first in your mind

As for knowing when a site is becoming toxic….that is for you to decide. But I think if it’s starting to impact on your life in a negative way – worry thoughts, sleepless nights, doubt, etc…it’s time to stay away.